Cupid: sweet cherub or diabolical menace?
| February 6, 2013 | Posted by Ford The Phenom under Giveaway |
Guest blog post by Hunter, a character in Lizzy Ford’s short stories about Santa’s Ninja Elves. Don’t forget to enter the givaway at the bottom of the post!! See the Rafflecopter for details.
Cupid: sweet cherub or diabolical menace?
Intelligence report by Hunter, Alpha Squad Leader, Santa’s Ninja Elf Corps
Cupid is Santa’s number one competition for most popular holiday icon. He is described by most operatives as a cherubic child armed with nothing more than a smile and a tiny bow. Unfortunately, we have to rely upon electronic communications for this description, for no elfin operative who has seen Cupid has lived to provide oral testimony. This makes it difficult for the Ninja Elves – the elite assassin corps protecting Santa – to distinguish a smiling, human child carrying a bow from Cupid himself. For this reason, all children armed with bows, machine guns or other weapons are considered off-limits, per Santa’s revised rules of engagement.
While his origins are largely unknown, recent intelligence indicates Cupid may have been born of a succubus mother and a human father. His diminutive stature is derived from his addictions to chocolate, hazelnut filling and multi-flavored truffles. In public, he works hard to court the favor of humans by pretending to be innocent and well-wishing. In private, reports indicate he suffers from extreme sugar highs and lows that render him hot-headed and intolerant of bad news. His operatives largely fear him and will choose suicide by arsenic truffle over betraying him.
Cupid employs multiple tactics, techniques and procedures in his war against Santa. He favors deception and sneak attacks over outright battle and often lures humans and Elves into a false sense of security and happiness before dropping them into boiling pots of chocolate. He uses children to bait candy traps as a means of luring in unsuspecting Elves. Cupid’s arsenal consists of the following: handheld bon-bombs, razor-sharp throwing hearts, and chocolate arrows.
Of particular concern to the Elf Corps: Cupid’s renowned Love Spells. Most elves who fall prey to the potent spells are never heard from again. Those who do often describe the experience as “the first bite of chocolate after a long diet” or “a combination of Christmas Eve and Christmas morning” or “sudden blindness.” The Spells are temporary, followed by a rash of side effects that can include: sudden and absolute loss of property and/or money, broken heartedness, and loss of will to live. The effects of Cupid’s Love Spells are devastating.
Our intelligence is unable to determine where Cupid’s hideouts are. With his ability to blend into human society, he is most likely hidden in plain sight. Because of his addition to chocolate, he will not be too far from a chocolate-dealer at any time. Other possibilities for the location of his headquarters include: Hershey, Pennsylvania; near the Nestle headquarters in Vevey, Switzerland; close to Godiva Headquarters in Brussels, Belgium; or Brazil, where he may have seized control of his own cocoa fields in order to ensure his supply is never broken.
Per Santa’s orders, all Ninja Elves are to remain vigilant when pursuing Cupid’s operatives and to keep in mind that there is no known cure for Elves who have been exposed to Cupid’s Love Spells. Proceed with caution, and report all suspicious activity to Mrs. Clause, who will be watching her crystal ball for signs of Cupid’s activity.
Santa’s Ninja Elves
Santa’s Ninja Elves: two short stories depicting elite elves whose missions are to protect Santa against all enemies using an assortment of cinna-bombs, candy cane bullets, tinsel traps and throwing bells and intelligence from the fortune-telling Mrs. Clause. After years of dedicated service, Santa decides to reward them by helping them find love on Christmas.
Past retirement, Natasha is sent from the North Pole to Ohio on a final mission to identify a threat to Santa. Natasha runs the lead to ground, only to find Santa sent her there for an entirely different mission. She’s been set up with a handsome stranger, a final gift from Santa to his favorite Ninja Elf.
Hunter gets drunk on eggnog one day and beheads an innocent snowman. His punishment: he’s banished from the North Pole to work at a mall in Arizona, managing a fake Santa’s long line of kids. When the fake Santa sheds the fat suit to reveal a beautiful woman, Hunter falls fast for the woman who makes him feel the thrill Christmas Eve with one look. Available from: Amazon, Amazon UK, Smashwords. Find the Ninja Elves on Goodreads!
Enter to win a pewter “Damian’s Oracle” necklace and “Santa’s Ninja Elves” button! Obey the Rafflecopter!
Great Page. Following via email. And thanks for the giveaway.
Santa’s Ninja Elves sounds like a great read… Who knew Santa has threats and elves were ninjas… Add some romance… Sounds like my kinda read.
great page…and thanks for an awesome giveaway
I have this story from the Christmas Lites II anthology I have to read
Just found out about ur blog and love it. Thanks for the giveaway.
I loved this story. Thanks for the great giveaway.
the book got like on am amazon and then on good read as desiree reilly
i am on your fb google and twitter
Ninja Elves! Love it! THanks for putting together another fantastic Fire and Ice Post!
Ninja Elves whose missions are to protect Santa, it sound great! Thank you for the giveaway.
Thanks for the giveaway! These looks awesome!
mestith@gmail.com
The story sounds intriguing.
love the giveaway really excited hope to win
I love the pin! Looks awesome. Thanks!
Love this post
What a hilarious post!! Addicted to chocolate, subject to sugar highs and lows leading to extreme moods and erratic behavior…good thing Cupid is known to be male, or I’d worry those ninjas elves might be after ME!!
Thanks for the giveaway
I love that he gets banished to Arizona…that’s awesome..I’m in Tucson!!
josiehink122026(at)gmail(dot)com
Great story and great giveaway!
Thanks for the awesome giveaway.
Very cool giveaway!
Thank you!